Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
