oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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