Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
