ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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