You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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