yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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