Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
