ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
