You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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