Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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