What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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