I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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