I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
