Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
