You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
