My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
