She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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