so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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