so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
