So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
