I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
