i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize