Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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