Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
