Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
