Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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