what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
