My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So many bounce houses so little time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
