and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
