I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
