I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize