Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
