My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
