just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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