I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
