hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
