I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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