**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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