half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize