bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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