Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
