I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
