its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
