I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
