the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
