sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
