I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
