Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I could fuck to npr.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
