i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
