i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
two words...techno handjob
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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