with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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