i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
