It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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