Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
