sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
why is half of my head shaved?
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