i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
