Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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