Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
