Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
