But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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