Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize