I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
