You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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