He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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