Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
