It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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