just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
