she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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