eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
