Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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