with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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