I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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