he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Less talking, more tequila
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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