If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
