Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize