I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think i just lost a toe
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
