The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
