guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
