Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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