did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
