I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
