I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
