i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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