I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
