is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
