I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize