Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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