As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
