Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
