I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize