She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
