my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
