Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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