make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
