i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
