Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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