she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
