before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
