I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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