4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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