we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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