Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
