I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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