Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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