I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
